is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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