if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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