Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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