I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
