My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
