Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
