I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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