I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
