he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize