onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
