Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
