Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
