you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
