I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
