she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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