Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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