the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it because I queefed?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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