it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
