3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In America we eat man semen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
