tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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