I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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