You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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