Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
