Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
What drink are we having for lunch?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
