Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
