1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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