I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
