you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Alive.
So much puke
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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