You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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