Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Your dad touched me again.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize