My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
