Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
