Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
