Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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