Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
