My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
