i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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