Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
