i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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