Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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