oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
