Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
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