Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
