how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
