Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize