I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
