for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you win again, gameday.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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