Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
