what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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