Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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