Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
