i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
