Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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