Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Pants are for mortals
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
