I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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