I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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