Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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