hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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