i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
