Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You were trust falling into bushes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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