She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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