Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
