I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
