Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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