I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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