it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
