i was rollin on her like bob the builder
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
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My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize