we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
