Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
