If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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