She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
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