She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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