Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
