it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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