I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
