i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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