u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
