apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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