hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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