I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize